Hakkai and Gojyo Are Dead
by MaiHikari92
Summary: A parody of Rosencranz and Guildenstern Are Dead; an offshoot of Shakespeare's Hamlet. Gojyo as Rosencrantz, Hakkai as Guildenstern. What happens when Gojyo and Hakkai find themselves in 16th century Denmark? R&G belongs to Tom Stoppard. Sayuki to K. M.
1. Heads Will Roll

The grass and dead leafs crunched under Gojyo and Hakkai's feet as they walked. The noise wasn't nearly as annoying as Gojyo's voice however:

"Heads. Heads. Heads. Heads. Heads."

To Hakkai's dismay, Gojyo had found a coin on the ground earlier back and he was now flipping it, feeling the need to announce his result, each time he got one. Even more irritating to the green eyed man was that each result was—

"Heads. Heads. Heads."

Hakkai sighed and looked straight ahead as they walked. They had gotten separated from Sanzo and Goku during a fight with Kougaiji's group, having been accidentally pushed off a cliff in an explosion from one of Yaone's bombs. What was more, they were also separated from Hakkai's faithful dragon Hakuryu, leaving them with only their legs as transportation.

Gojyo noticed the bored/annoyed look on Hakkai's face and offered, "Bet?"

Hakkai just looked at Gojyo and nodded. What could it hurt? Hakkai always won bets anyway. He was simply lucky in that way. "Tails…" he said, in order to hear something besides 'Heads.'

Unfortunately…

"Heads. I win!"

Hakkai's eye twitched. "How… but, what…?!" he sputtered, quite surprised he had lost.

"You can't win them all, Hakkai," Gojyo continued flipping, a satisfactory grin on his face. "Heads. Heads. Heads. Heads."

Hakkai huffed. "It must be indicative of something besides the redistribution of wealth…" he handed Gojyo a coin from his own pocket.

"Heads."

"A weaker man might be moved to reexamine his faith…" Hakkai pondered aloud, quite bothered by this coin. "for nothing else, atleast in the law of probability…"

"Heads."

"Consider…" Hakkai continued. "A probability is a factor which operates within natural forces."

"Heads."

Hakkai grew even more irritated and took the coin from Gojyo and tossed it over his shoulder. Gojyo peered at the coin.

"Heads. Eighty-five in a row!"

"That's absurd!"

"Sorry, H'kai," Gojyo opened his palm and Hakkai gave him another few coins. "I'm afraid this isn't your day."

"Time has stopped dead, and a single experience of one coin being spun once has been repeated ninety times..." Hakkai could not figure out why this was happening. He flipped another coin and handed it to Gojyo. "On the whole, doubtful."

"Heads."

"Divine intervention? Also doubtful…"

"Alright, alright, I'll stop… this is getting creepy…" Gojyo sighed, putting the coins away, safely in his pocket. "Let's just find the other two and get the hell out of here."

"Agreed…"


	2. Enter the Tragedians

Enter the Tragedians

Gojyo and Hakkai continued to walk, quite irked by the incident with the coin. Hakkai was still trying to figure out the possibilities of how and why it had happened, while Gojyo's hand itched to flip another coin, just to see if it would be heads again.

"Do you suppose…." Hakkai slowly began. "That we have entered a world without the laws of time and chance?"

"Hakkai," Gojyo rolled his eyes. "Just because something weird happens doesn't mean that the universe has gone to pieces." He sighed. "Seriously man, sometimes I think you're really, really crazy."

"Perhaps…" Hakkai didn't seem to think much of Gojyo's 'crazy' comment about him. "Let's talk about something else."

"Like what?"

"Um… what is your earliest memory?" Hakkai asked, actually quite curious.

Gojyo was silent for a moment. Then, each time he opened his mouth, he closed it, seemingly forgetting what he was going to say. "A messenger…" he finally said.

"What?" Hakkai stopped in his tracks.

Gojyo stopped a few steps ahead of the healer. "A messenger," he repeated. "I don't know why, but that's the first thing that came to me, that I didn't forget, the second after I thought of it."

"What about a messenger?" Hakkai was utterly perplexed.

"He told us to come to the castle," Gojyo thought for a moment, then nodded.

"Gojyo, I don't remember any of this…"

"I do, though! Its frickin' weirding me out!"

"You mean Houtu Castle, right?" Hakkai asked. "Where we're all going West for? To stop the experiments to revive Gymaoh?"

"No… that one."

Hakkai looked to where Gojyo pointed and there, on top of a distant hill was a castle that looked like it had dropped down from medieval Europe. "Was that there before?"

"Who cares. I got this feeling we hafta go there," Gojyo started walking again.

Hakkai sighed and followed, even more confused than before.

The walked for what seemed like forever, until Hakkai spoke.

"Gojyo… do you hear… music?"

Gojyo stopped and nodded. "Yeah…"

Just then a group of the strangest people the two had ever seen crossed their path; a three man band and six men, ages ranging from a boy, to an old man who looked strangely familiar to Hakkai. The old man, wearing a tunic and tights, just like the rest of the men, seemed to be their leader.

The moment he laid eyes on Hakkai, he immediately recognized the shiver down his spine he got. "Chin Yisou…" he murmured.

"Huh?" Gojyo looked at Hakkai, hardly hearing him.

"Nothing…" Hakkai shook his head. The lead Player looked so much like the demon that haunted him and yet, it wasn't him at all, seemingly.

The Player approached them and bowed. "Good afternoon, my good gentleman. Who might you be?"

Hakkai remained silent, the chill still having affect on him.

"I'm Hakkai and he's Gojyo," Gojyo said, before catching himself. "I mean, I'm Gojyo and he's Hakkai." He shook his head, confusing his own self. Just what kind of situation had they stumbled into?

"Who are you?" Hakkai finally spoke.

"We are actors!" The Player smirked. "Artists! And we may perform for you, for a small price!"

"That sounds cool!" Hakkai was shocked at Gojyo's enthusiasm, until he realized that three of the men, were dressed like women, and Gojyo thought of them as such. Gojyo winked at them and they giggled, voices much too high.

"Gojyo… you know those are men, correct?" Hakkai whispered.

"What the f—AH!"

Gojyo saw one of the man ladies remove the fan he had been holding in front of his face. He had a five o'clock shadow and quite a large Adam's apple. "Gross!"

"Like I said," the main Player said. "We are artists. We know no rules of gender. Now, Alfred, put on your skirt, so these men can watch you dance."

The boy that Hakkai had earlier seen began to strip and the healer was outraged. "Stop! You have no right to tell that boy to expose himself."

"Oh, yes I do… he works for me, Mr. Hakkai…" the Player looked at the boy, Alfred, in a way that made Hakkai want to punch him for being so sick; which he did immediately.

The Player growled. "You will pay dearly for this…" The old man took a coin from his pocket and threw it at Gojyo, who automatically caught it.

Hakkai saw through the trap, but it was too late. "Gojyo, no!"

There was a blinding light, then darkness.


End file.
